I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
