Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
