wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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