Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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