i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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