What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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