My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
