omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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