I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
