Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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