I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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