Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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