She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
