i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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