thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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