Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
