it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
