i already hear my dad disowning me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
