Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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