Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
