there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
