evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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