The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
