i just google imaged poop.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
