Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
