So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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