They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
