Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
