She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
