New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
