Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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