marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
