You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
