I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
