apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
