I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
