Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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