worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize