I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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