i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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