He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
