I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
