Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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