I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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