I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
