im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
