Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize