i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
