Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
