spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
