I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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