so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize