Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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