dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I believe in your delicious
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
