im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
