Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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