Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
