just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
