so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
