Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
