If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
