This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
