Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
