mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
