he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
