He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
