omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
not ubering you a puppy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
