I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
