remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
