She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
