got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
