I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's the barista slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
