i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize