he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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