Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
