if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
