if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
