Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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