Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
