I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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