did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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