dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
