This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
