dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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