who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We need a shit load of segways right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
