I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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