If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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