When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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