I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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