Too much gin, very little bucket
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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