Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
