It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
