The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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