Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize