he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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