As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
