Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
