You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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