you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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