If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
