Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
