how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
