i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize