So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
