Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
