Say something about gay babies.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
