mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
