Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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