I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
