"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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